whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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