Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
