basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
