do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
