hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
two words: eviction party
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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