is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
