just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
