Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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