I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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