So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
50% drunk capacity currently
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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