when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
