Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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