i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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