I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
