im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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