I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
