1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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