its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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