She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
