last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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