my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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