i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
