She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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