Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
