I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
