airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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