My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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