Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize