I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
