He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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