It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize