You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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