Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
