I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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