Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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