is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
