I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
