i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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