All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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