Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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