alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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