We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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