physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I deserve this hangover.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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