My cat gives me a boner
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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