I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
