I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
