Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
