There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
