After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize