We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
