Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.