Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

he thought i was a dude.

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(727): View more from Florida

It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.

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(216): View more from Ohio

the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao

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(207): View more from Maine

Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.

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