he thought i was a dude.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
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i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.