Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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