it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sober January is a disaster.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
