He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
