Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
