Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
