I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
