You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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