Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize