I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
