shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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