fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
