Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
